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Monster House

Announcer: Across our country, house prices continue to fall, however one new housing horror will not go away.

[music starts]

Man: I was driving down my street, late one night,
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight,
A scary building had begun to rise,
And I realized to my surprise,

Chorus:

Lady: They built a house.

Man: They built a monster house.

Lady: A monster house.

Man: Why that rotten louse.

Lady: They built a house.

Man: It was more than the code allows.

Lady: They built a house.

Man: They built a monster house.

Lady: Wah ooooo

Man: From the lavatory that was facing east,
To the master bedroom, it just never ceased,
The builders all brought their heavy load,
And said, "Who needs a building code?"

Chorus

The salesman was having fun,
The open house had just begun,
The price was eight hundred thousand,
Four hundred and seventy one.

The saws were buzzing, men were digging the ground,
A wealthy buyer had just been found,
The electric inspector was about to arrive,
And he told the group he was open for bribes.

Chorus

From out of his bungalow, the neighbour's voice did ring,
It seems he was troubled by just one thing.
He opened his door and shook his fist,
And said, "Thanks to you, now I'll have to list!"

Chorus

Now this story is repeated all over the land,
As city councils try to have them banned.
For you the listener, this could happen too.
When they start building next door, tell them you're going to sue!

Chorus

Man: What do you care if the house is bigger than the lot?

Igor: [roar]

Man: Don't be angry, what if they wanted to buy your house for five hundred thousand?

Igor: Oh, ho!

Man: See? Now who wants to build a monster house?

Igor: That's me.

Man: Down Igor.

Igor: Monster house!

Written and Performed by Bob Robertson and Linda Cullen.


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