If I Had 30 Billion Dollars

Host of CBC radio program "Gilmore's Albums", Clyde Gilmore: Our opening selection on today's program: Paul Martin, the infamous Finance Minister with the machine gun speaking style, has never been known as a balladeer in his many years of political service. Still, the Solomon Brothers record label has issued a four CD set of songs called "Paul Martin Sings From Our Book." (A veiled reference to the fact that the bond-rating agencies run Canada.) The following track begins in the House of Commons in Ottawa, as Mr. Martin, the ex-shipping magnate, extols the virtues of his budget for 1996. Here, then, the dour tuney tones of that tepid tenor, Paul Martin.

[applause]

Paul Martin: So, as you can see, Mr. Speaker, the Canadian economy, under our government, is just booming. Uh, we've created thousands of new jobs, we've maintained the social safety net, everybody's happy. Uh, but if I could just ask for one thing, only one thing, it would be this...

[music starts in the background]

Spectator1: Oh my God, he's gonna sing!

Spectator2: Oh no! Stand back. This could be dangerous.

Spectator1: Clear the room. Please, clear the room!

[footsteps of a large amount of people exiting]

Paul Martin: 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. If I had thirty billion dollars,

Back-up Singers: If he had thirty billion dollars,

Paul Martin: I would pay that deficit off.

Back-up Singers: He would pay that big bad deficit off.

Announcer, Bob Sharples: We interrupt this song for no apparent reason, except that no one wants to hear it continued. Thank you very much.

Written and Performed by Bob Roberton and Linda Cullen.

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